Friday, April 17, 2009

I like being peculiar - it makes me different!!!!

We are a peculiar people – or so Brigham Young said. But that’s okay. It’s good to be different!

Besides being known as an industrious and hard working people, we are also known as having integrity, generally honest, thrifty, clean cut, sober and we also know how to laugh at ourselves.

Everyone from the FBI, CIA, and ICE to Alaskan Bus Tours loves it when they see a Mormon walk in to apply for a position because they too know, from years of experience, that these things are true about the general Mormon populous. And I for one am proud to be part of such a heritage.

But what makes me even more proud is that most Mormon’s I’ve had the privilege of associating with know that there ARE things to be taken seriously,…..but themselves is not one of them!

And since I am the one usually leading the laughter, I decided to post this Utah Census form so that you too can decide whether or not you are a true Utah-ish Mormon because today’s “Life Saver” just happens to be;

Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves for they will never cease to be amused!

Laugh on, Friends!

Utah Census Form

1._____________________ _____________________


2. Descendant of:
A. Brigham Young _____
B. Heber C. Kimball _____
C. Laman and Lemuel _____
D. Cain _____

3. Tribe of Israel : _____________________

4. Number of occupants residing in home in each category: (List in chronological order)
A. Nursery _____
B. Junior Primary _____
C. Senior Primary _____
D. Young Women's _____
E. Young Men's _____
F. Relief Society _____
G. Elder _____
H. Dearly Departed _____
I. High Priest _____

5. Occupation [Please select all that apply]:
A. Amway dealer _____
B. Shaklee dealer _____
C. Nonie juice dealer _____
D. NuSkin dealer _____
E. Melaleuca dealer _____

6. Automobile:
A. Station Wagon _____
B. Van _____
C. Suburban _____
D. School Bus _____
E. Double Decker _____
F. BMW (Big Mormon Wagon) ________

7. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday:
A. Chuck-A-Rama _____
B. Hometown Buffet _____
C. Sumo Sam's All You Can Eat Feeding Trough _____

8. Favorite Hero:
A. Nephi _____
B. Abinadi _____
C. Samuel the Lamanite_____
D. Steve Young _____
E. Johnny Lingo _____

9. Which of the following do you bring to church [check all that apply]:
A. Scriptures _____
B. Franklin Planner/ Daytimer _____
C. Pen/Pencil _____
D. Lifesavers/ Cheerios _____
E. Tic Tacs _____
F. Game Boy _____
G. Big Gulp _____
H. Cooler _____
I. Sony Walkman _____
J. TV Watch _____
K. All of the above _____

10. Do you prepare your church lessons:
A. A month in advance _____
B. A week in advance _____
C. While in the bathtub _____
D. While on the toilet _____
E. During Sacrament Meeting _____
F. During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting
G. During the opening prayer of the class you're teaching _____
H. Just wing it [according to the promptings of the Spirit] _____

11. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with Big Gulp holders:
A. yes___
B. no ___

12. How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting:
A. 10-20 years _____
B. 20-30 years _____
C. 30-40 years _____
D. Over 3 generations ____

13. How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk:
A. 1/100,000,000th of a second _____
B. 1/999,999,999th of a second _____
C. 1/999,999,998th of a second _____

14. Which day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching:
A. 31st ______
B. 31st ______
C. 31st ______
D. 31st ______

15. How many church basketball fights were you in last year:
A. 1-10 _____
B. 10-20 _____
C. 20-30 _____
D. You'll have to ask my lawyer _____

16. Which of the following has been your most effective Family Home Evening:
A. Arguing about getting along
B. Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner
C. Gathering around the television to watch, "Everybody Loves Raymond"

17. How many times a year do you make:
A. Green Jell-O salad _____
B. Funeral potatoes _____
C. Cabbage and Top Ramen salad _____
D. Turkey, cashews and grape-stuffed croissants_____

18. How many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own:
A. 1-2 thousand _____
B. 2-3 thousand _____
C. 3-4 thousand _____
D. Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake _____

19. Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:
A. Alcatraz
B. Fort Knox
C. Ward Libraries

20. How many structural engineers do you hire annually to insure you'll win the Pinewood Derby: _________

21. Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:
A. Chocolate: ___pounds daily X 365 days annually= ____
B. Cola: ____gallons daily X 365 days annually = ____

22. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming or attending a BYU/UofU football game, which would you choose?
A. Second Coming _____
B. Football game _____


Cindy Beck said...

Loved the "Mormon Census." My favorite was #19: Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:
A. Alcatraz
B. Fort Knox
C. Ward Libraries

The oh-so-obvious answer--ward libraries--had me laughing out loud.

Thanks for a fun post.

Kari Pike said...

Oh yes..the ward libraries...and the Stake ones! You know, I served as the STake music director for almost three years. All of the music is kept in the library...for which it took 2.75 years to get approval for a key and another 6 weeks to get the key...I think I had the key in my possession two weeks before I was called to be a Ward RS President and was released from the Stake calling. Now, I need access to the computer in the clerks office so I can organize visiting teaching, etc. I have had this calling nearly three years..and you guessed it...not only have I never had a key to the library, but the one time I was given a key to the clerks turned out to be the key for the other ward's clerk's office!!!! (see me rolling my eyes!)

thanks for the laugh, STacy. You're the best!