As a journalist, you pray for good interviews, important interviews that will lend themselves into great stories.
This weekend however, I had the most important interview I've ever had to do. It was the one where I had to capture my mom's life and wishes and loves onto a few pages of note paper as she prepares to leave this world. And since my dad died four years ago at age 61 of cancer, (mom is 63 and is dying of cancer), it is up to me as her oldest child and as the one who she trusts to write these things, to capture her marvelous life for the rest of my siblings including a brother who is currently serving a mission in Guadalajara, Mexico.
We planned her funeral, and we spoke of the things she wanted to still be able to do. But most of all we spoke of love; her love for her family, her husband, her fiends and her life. And God. Although she feels a bit cheated, she loves him and begged us to make sure my brother - if he comes home - gets his tail right back out to serve the Lord diligently and faithfully for the rest of his two years.
We refused to speak of regrets or sadness,..... other than that wrenching angst that was ripping at our hearts because we loved each other so fiercely. What she doesn't know and she would chastise me if she did know is that I do have regrets.
I promised my dad that I would take care of her and I promised my brother that I'd do everything I could to make sure she was around when he got home. So the only regret I have - and I know it is an irrational one - is that her stage four stomach cancer was stronger than I was.
And quite simply,....it sucks.
I have maybe 48 hours left to do my interviews - the most important interviews I will ever do - but I have to admit,...even though hers is a great one about love, faith and laughter, this is not a story I wanted to have to write so soon.
I love you mom and dad.......
