Life is a tough balancing act...

Many of you have read or heard about my adventures as I try to keep my son’s stomachs full. Admittedly on more than one occasion, I am more of a failure at this than a success – or so their grumbling guts consistently tell me.

Last night was one of those nights.

I had one son who was off to scouts and then to soccer practice, another who went to his job before hitting the library and running somewhere around 23 errands and the third who had to do a history project before his hockey workout.

Meanwhile I was up to my armpits cleaning the garage that I optimistically thought “would only take a few hours” trying to get all the ABOP (Anti-freeze, batteries, oil and paint) center stuff ready to haul. And of course my husband decided to stay late at the office to chat.

Nine o’clock rolled around and they all stood there looking at me with Meguire’s Diamond Coat Car polish dripping from the end of my nose. The bottle had exploded when I tried to grab it with a broom handle from the top shelf that my step ladder and stubby legs wouldn’t reach. But I digress…..

Josh knowing that the end of the world would be here before I got anything cooked, piped up, “I’ll take care of dinner tonight, Mom”

I didn’t worry too much since all he knows how to do in a kitchen involves pouring and using a spoon.

“Okay, I’ll take you up on that offer but add a banana to the cereal so at least it’s a well balanced meal.” He smiled and headed back into the house.

Fifteen minutes and half a dozen rolls of paper towels later, the smell of the neighbors BBQ had my own stomach quivering at the thoughts of food. I went inside to find each of my sons with a hamburger in each hand.

Apparently in my maternal absence, Josh had learned how to use the grill without burning his eyebrows off – but that’s a story for another time. I grabbed one of the burgers and lifted the bun. No tomatoes, no lettuce - the closest thing to something from the fruit and vegetable group on those burgers was ketchup. There was plenty from the meat group however, since he’d done a double stack for each of them times two.

“Couldn’t you have at least pretended to care about a balanced meal?” I pleaded.

As only Josh can, he grinned that wonderful teenage smile with a mouth full of hamburger and gave me today’s “Life Saver”;

He then held up each hand with grease and ketchup dripping from his fists full of double stack hamburgers and said, “I did, Mom! My idea of a balanced meal is one in each hand!”

And with that he took another bite and reveled in his creation. Who was I to argue? My own life has been a terrible balancing act as of late. At least I could gain comfort in the fact that someone in the family was thinking about some sort of balance,… even if it meant four all beef patties and ketchup on a couple of sesame seed buns

Spacey Stacy Does it Again

As of late, frazzled has become a part of my character.

I’ve been swamped with editing, writing, preparing presentations, running school government campaigns, painting my basement and keeping up with soccer and hockey schedules. My husband recently told me that I make Taz look like he’s going in slow motion,....times eight.

Much to my shame over the knowledge of my sons’ grumbling stomachs but lacking the timely resources to cope better, dinner, as of late, has consisted of whatever I could get through the nearest drive through or out of a bag of Wal-Mart trail mix.

The trail mix has become the meal of choice since a double fisted serving consists of enough protein (nuts), natural sugars and starches (fruit, crackers and pretzels) and fiber (raisons or craisons) to marginally meet the daily USDA nutrition guides. And there’s no clean up since the dog will happily scrounge for any leftovers that have fallen between and under the seats.

So you can understandably see why, when the other day, the smell of chocolate brownies wafted down to my office, I immediately raced to the kitchen to see who had done this marvelous thing and actually baked something in the oven – the appliance heretofore being used as a dryer for wet sneakers.

There stood my husband and three sons with a look of confusion which turned into countenances of rapture when I raced up the stairs and yanked the oven open.

“Finally, she remembered how to use it,” caustically remarked Josh.

“Don’t count on it, I watched Maison put his shoes in there less than an hour ago,” whispered Mitch not daring to hope.

Ignoring my permanent peanut gallery, I checked on the shoes and then turned to every hiding spot in the kitchen as I riffled through trying to find the stash of chocolate decadence. I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before.

“Okay, where’d you hide ‘em? Come on, give it up! I know one of you hooligans broke into my recipe file and created a covert batch of chocolate something or another. I’m not backing down so you ‘d better fess up!!!” I said as I looked directly into each and every one of their guilty eyeballs with a finger popping them on the ends of their noses just for good measure.

My husband choked. “What,…..oh you mean,…..what,…we???” He began to laugh as he went for a banana and a cup’o pudding.

After holding them captive and using every interrogation trick in the book while scouring the kitchen looking for a square of chocolate sin, I noticed the burning candle next to the bread box. Earlier that morning, knowing I wouldn’t have time to clean, I’d lit the dang thing in a futile effort to hide the smells and stenches I didn’t have time to unearth and vanquish. I should’ve looked at the label before torching it.

It said, “Essence of Chocolate Bunt Cake”

I turned and smiled ever so sweetly at my lost looking sons. “False alarm, gang. I know I’ve been a bit spacey lately so how ‘bout I make it up to you? Get your sneakers out of the oven. I’ll let you choose the tonight’s drive through and I’ll even buy dessert for you too!!!”

Mitch who has always been too smart for his own good, rushed over to look where my line of vision had been before my demeanor and attitude changed. He too looked at the candle before shaking his head in disgust and putting his arm around my shoulder.

Despite all my flaws, I knew I’d done something right when he looked at me with compassion and gave me today’s “Life Saver”;

“Mom, try to remember - space can be a dangerous place, especially if it’s between your ears!”

He then grabbed his shoes and ducked around the corner to go hide my “Essence of Banana Bread” candle.

I smiled gratefully after him and pondered the moment. If you can’t find your way to a boy’s heart with food, then try to kill him with kindness. And if that doesn’t work, combine the two and you can get away with murder!